60th Verse
Governing a large country
Is like frying a small fish.
You spoil it with too much poking.
Approach the universe with the Tao
and evil will have no power.
Not that evil is not powerful,
but its power will not be used to harm others.
Not only will it not do harm to others,
but the sage himself will also be protected.
If only the ruler and his people would
refrain from harming each other,
all the benefits of life would accumulate
in the kingdom.
In most occasions I am pretty good at catching myself in the process of having ill thoughts toward another person. This used to be most obvious in the middle of Miami rush hour. If you have never driven in Miami, be grateful that you have not experienced what it is to have eight mild heart attacks each morning on the way to work. I have spent now over 10 years in the car as an outside sales person, which means that I spent close to six hours behind the wheel of my SUV every day I went to work. Nothing got me to kick the road rage habit quicker than the realization that there was nothing I could do about it. I love my job, I love my car, and I love having the freedom to move around south Florida at will, seeing clients, having lunch, selling stuff. Leaving my job was not something I wanted to do but there was no way that I could be successful at what I do if I am constantly fighting with Miamians for my piece of road. There will always be a woman putting on eyeliner who comes just two inches from my rear bumper; there will always be a guy who used dental floss to tie down a twin mattress on top of his Toyota Corolla. Who would have thought it wouldn’t hold it as he sped 75 mph on the highway? Surely, there will always be the inexperienced (or very experienced) driver who can’t grasp why there’s a hurricane on one side of I95 and sunny as can be on the other. They will insist on going 15 miles per hour with their hazards on until they figure it out.
I think it was about 8 years ago that I decided to surrender to the “situation” and make my windshield time my Patty-time. This was way before all the personal development classes and the endless books by Chopra, Dyer, et al. I knew that I could fight it, or embrace it. I already knew that fighting just served to create more stress in my life for not only would I experience it first hand, I then would take my victim story to anyone within earshot and regale them with just how inconsiderate it was for someone to think of crashing their car in the middle of rush hour traffic, on the Palmetto, no less. I am embarrassed and I apologize to all of you who heard my whining. Getting upset was no longer an option.
So I went out and bought audio books. I must have listened to every audio book on the American Revolution ever recorded. Yes, I am a history nerd. Then I moved on to the Dalai Lama. I realized half way through The Universe in a Single Atom that I skipped a couple of steps and went back to something I could actually understand. I take account now of the last 8 years and how my experience in something as simple as the car has changed. Now when I hear people complaining about the traffic outside I am in genuine shock. What are they talking about? I didn’t see that accident. It wasn’t raining when I was driving.
Either I have lost my mind or I have managed to change the frequency of what I see when I am out on the road. By changing my energy of resistance to one of surrender and acceptance, what showed up for me every day changed.
So why, when it was so easy with my road rage experience, has it been so hard when I want to change my experience of something else. I have major resistance with some people. Let’s be honest, it is just one person. I am all up in it when it comes to her. I judge her. She is selfish, self-centered, ignorant, and closed-minded. I resist everything about her. I would never pick her as a friend and I can’t believe I actually have to have this person in my life. I am steadfastly attached to what the relationship should look like: She needs to admit I am and have always been right and apologize for being a poor excuse for a human being. Phew! I’ve been holding all that in for years!
So of course, this is where my thoughts go when she is mentioned or is in my presence. I am conscious of it and all the while, I can hear the fight in my head. It usually goes something like this:
“Have some compassion, she doesn’t know any better”,
“If she doesn’t know any better, she’s a moron”
“She’s doing the best she can with the tools she has”
“Why cant she go get some new tools? I did. I hate her”
“Why don’t you try to reach out and help her? She’s in pain. She is just acting out of fear”
“I’m done helping. There is no love for another human being inside that woman”
“All she wants is to be understood and to be loved. From where she’s standing, she’s just as right as you think you are.”
“Shut up.”
“I give up”
And so it goes. I’ve tried letting her be right, I’ve let her walk all over me, I have yelled and cursed, I have used sarcasm and I have prayed. I am still coming up against that wall. I know who she represents in my life and I know getting to the place where I no longer mind will create a big breakthrough in my life yet I am at a standstill.
The Tao tells us that
If only the ruler and his people would
refrain from harming each other,
all the benefits of life would accumulate
in the kingdom.
I know that it is the small attitudes; my small decisions to hold certain people in these places of fear and hate that propagate those same feelings on a greater scale. War did not happen one day. Someone was scared of some other person or something and was able to promulgate that same fear unto others until it became big and unrecognizable, until the fear was so great that they believed that it was permissible to harm another human being.
So where to go from here? Each time I have a thought that wishes harm, or judges and labels another person negatively, I will send them love. I will try to see them in their true essence instead of the manifestation that I am witnessing. I know that my experience and my judgments come from a place of fear inside me. Addressing that fear is more useful and productive than trying to address the fear in them. I have no business fixing others until I handle what I need to handle in me.
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